Friday, May 14, 2010

Chapter One of Discover Your Wings

Sneak-Peak at Discover Your Wings. This book sites examples from the short story, The Confident Butterfly, in the book. However, you should be able to understand the meaning throughout the chapter.

Chapter One:
Critics and Coaches

In order to understand how to have better self-esteem and more confidence, you have to learn who your number one enemy is and how to fight it: Your Inner Critic.

Commander Critic is just a character in the story. Regrettably, your Inner Critic is real. He’s loud, annoying, and distracting you from reaching your potential. He’ll always keep you in the caterpillar stage in life if you let him.

Unfortunately, silencing him isn’t as easy as pressing a mute button or grabbing a roll of duct-tape, but there are methods you can use to make him less persistent and harder to hear.

You also have a cheerleader, portrayed as Natalie in the story, who desires for you to reach your potential. Sometimes she can be hard to hear.

By the time you reach the end of this book, you should be able to silence the comments and criticism he offers and hear your coach cheering you on.

The Inner Critic will be referred to as he and the Inner Coach as she to reflect the story and as a disarming technique that will be addressed in chapter two.

I’m Hearing Voices

“I think I want to _______________________.”
“Nope. You can’t do that. Remember when ______________ happened?” Inner Critic reminds you.
“Oh, you’re right. I can’t do that.”

If you hear a voice within you saying,
“You’re not a painter,”
then by all means paint and that voice
will be silenced.
~Vincent Van Gogh

Do you feel like you have a split personality? Does one part of you want a change or to do something outside of your norm while the other is holding you back and reminding you of all of your failures with every dirty tactic he can throw at you?

Which one is louder, the Critic or the Coach? Which one is running your life and making the decisions?

Your thoughts are the key to your self-esteem and how you handle circumstances in life. You can’t change the past and you sometimes can’t change your circumstances, but you can change how you view them. How you view yourself and being okay with yourself are the keys to discovering your inner butterfly.

That’s nice, but how do I achieve this? Know and understand your enemy, strategize and build your defenses. You’re about to win a battle. Be patient with your progress. Allow for setbacks. Adjust your strategy when needed. This book is your weapon to strengthen the Inner Coach and let you transform into the butterfly you’re meant to become.

Gaining more confidence and developing self-esteem is a lot of work, but contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t have to take years to achieve. It’s up to you on how long your journey will take. It’s all about choice.

Enemy Mine

What is the Purpose of the Inner Critic?

In the story, Critic was reminding all the graduates not to leave the city and explore the unknown because it’s very scary and dangerous in the world.

He encouraged caterpillars to be happy and content with who they were and knowingly hid the knowledge of transformation.

The Queen of Destiny withheld the truth of chrysalis to keep a ritual filled with celebration alive.

Your Critic’s real purpose is to annihilate your confidence, keep you feeling small and safe, and keep you feeling unsatisfied with yourself by exaggerating your weaknesses and failures to keep you from becoming the butterfly you’re meant to become.

The Critic sets such high standards of perfection that anything less than perfection is deemed a failure. If it can’t be done right, it can’t be done at all. He believes he’s protecting you from failure, and the pain associated with that failure, but in reality, he’s holding you in a prison of mediocrity.

The critic undermines you by:

 Blaming you when things go wrong

 Making you feel guilty or bad

 Comparing you to other people and their accomplishments

 Convincing you people don’t like you or are mad at you

 Calling you names and putting you down

 Judging you in everything you do

 Never reminding you about your accomplishments, only your failures

 Making you believe everything he says is true

When your defenses are down, he attacks more frequently and louder, drowning out the other personality, the Inner Coach.

How and When was the Inner Critic Created?

The Critic is derived from your conscious and unconscious memories formed by your own experiences and experiences with other people such as parents, peers and teachers and your perceptions of those experiences.

Parents are supposed to know the answers, and you trust those answers and build your world around what they tell you. What happens if their beliefs and perceptions are wrong and harmful to your future?

Beliefs are passed down from each generation, just as in Common Place, and then become engrained in the next generation. The pattern of thinking becomes the norm.

Perception is recognition and interpretation of sensory stimuli based on memory and creates your reality. What happens if that memory is incorrect?

In Common Place, beliefs, perceptions, and lives were changed based on a tragic accident when one young caterpillar was eaten when he left the protection of the village; therefore, no one could leave the village because all caterpillars would be eaten. The world was perceived to be such a dangerous place no one could venture beyond the small world within the protective border.

Someone perceived there was jealousy among the caterpillars toward the butterflies’ and others’ accomplishments; therefore, caterpillars weren’t encouraged to strive for their dreams, to explore who they were, and were forbidden to transform.

Over time, these false beliefs became the new truth and were passed down to the next generation. The truth was buried and forgotten.

Even as perfect as Destiny seemed, the inhabitants were led to believe the Chrysalis Chamber was responsible for their transformation. The Chamber started out as a meeting place and the ritual morphed into a belief that the bottle held the magic of chrysalis and not the caterpillars.

If the wine bottle wasn’t a Chrysalis Chamber, then why did every caterpillar that entered change? Because they believed in the power of the wine bottle so much, it was impossible not to change. Imagine what their lives will be like now that they know they’re responsible for their transformation. Goldie indicated it was life-changing to know that kind of power existed within her.

Imagine what your life will become when you believe in yourself that much! Your power in your accomplishments will mean more as you believe in yourself, build your strength, and conquer the challenges ahead.

Are your beliefs built on a solid foundation or on a foundation of lies, half-truths, or misunderstandings?

Think of your brain as a computer. When you’re born your brain is a blank program. As you get older and accept “upgrades” of negative and positive experiences, you learn to accept them as your new belief and programming.

The positive experiences include:

 Being accepted by your peers

 Being loved by your parents

 “You’re pretty.”

 “You’re smart.”

 Finding you’re good at something

 Passing a really hard test

 Graduating to the next grade

 Getting a promotion or a raise

Now imagine all the negative experiences and self talk from you and from other people is like a computer virus.

 Getting laughed at and made fun of by someone

 “You’re ugly.”

 “You’re not good enough.”

 Finding that you’re not good at something

 Failing a test

 Not finding the job you want

 Not making enough money

Take time to reevaluate yourself and your beliefs. You don’t have to accept other people’s beliefs. You can create your own that represent you and your future.

The Enemy has Reinforcements

The Commander also represents your outer critics, people who’ve given up on their dreams and are ready to squash yours. I call them dream-killing vampires. They will suck your dream from you if you let them.

In some cases, your own family and friends can be your worst enemy and can hold you back from your dreams of wanting more. They may even be jealous of your successes.

They may be afraid of losing you if you follow your ambitions. They may think you’ve become better than they are and now they feel inferior.

Natalie’s mother wasn’t encouraging Natalie’s dreams. In fact, she called her daughter delusional and called her writings scribbled nonsense. Her peers didn’t like her.

When following a dream,
make sure you buy a good set of earplugs
to drown out your critics.
~Angela Chase

Drowning out your outer critics is sometimes easier than silencing your Inner Critic. For some reason, he gets more credibility. That’s why I named him Commander.

One experience may or may not make a difference, but constant reinforcement becomes beneficial or detrimental in how we think about ourselves as certain situations arise.

In the story, Mr. Foland constantly wrote on Natalie’s assignments and punished her for her creativity. She had a choice to believe the hurtful words or believe in herself and a better future. Sadly, this happens in real life.

Rex Rolland, a sixth-grade teacher in Buncombe County, North Carolina, actually wrote this on a little girl’shomework on several occasions. He claimed it was his way of ‘relating’ to the students:
Over and over again she read the destructive words written to her. Imagine the damage this teacher is causing her? Imagine all the times someone called you names, convinced you that you couldn’t do something, you consistently received bad grades in certain subjects, or you received an inadequate job performance review.

This constant negative reinforcement becomes truth and, thus, your new belief system. The more “viruses” the human brain receives, the harder it is to hear your Inner Coach cheering you on, encouraging you, reminding you that you can become whomever you choose to be.

Communication and Wrong Word Usage

If the wrong words are chosen such as, “I’m disappointed in you,” it leads you to believe that you are being disapproved of rather than your action.

If this type of communication continues, you begin to believe you are a disappointment every time you do something wrong. You don’t learn to separate who you are from the negative action in your subconscious. What should be said is, “I’m disappointed in what you did.”

The Critic doesn’t just use phrases that cut and wound deep within your heart, he also attaches a voice with each one. When Natalie sat in the dark thicket afraid, giving up all hope, she thought of herself as a failure and heard her mother’s words reinforce her feeling about herself and her situation. You’ll never be anyone important, Natalie. I don’t know why you’re so delusional in who you think you really are.

Why Do You Listen to the Inner Critic?

The Commander gives an order and you listen and obey because he’s easier to hear and believe than your Inner Coach. According to your brain, he commands more attention. People with low self-esteem rely on the critic as a coping mechanism and easily fall prey to his commands.

In Common Place, Commander Critic discouraged the graduates from leaving. They believed his warning because it seemed reasonable and logical. They believed they had it good in Common Place and their lives were just the way it should be because he told them to accept the way things were. Critic was their leader, an elder, so he must know what was best for them.

Although you know the critic is self-destructive, he still makes you feel safe, causing you to run from things that frighten or worry you rather than facing and solving the problem.

Low self-esteem makes you ineffective in problem solving and dealing with life’s challenges. The higher your self-esteem, the more you’re able to handle the uncertainties and chaos of life.

What you conclude about yourself is always more powerful than what other people conclude or say about you. The negative is always easier to believe than the positive.

Do you believe what other people tell you?

Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising which tempt you
 to believe that your critics are right.
To map out a course of action and follow
it to an end requires courage.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Are other people around you really a credible source of information about you? After all, you know yourself, your dreams, what you’re capable of doing. I believe if you can envision it, it is possible. And remember, people are jealous creatures. If they didn’t succeed, they probably don’t want you to, either.

To illustrate this point, go to the following website: This is a video called Famous Failures. Hear what other people believed for these famous people:

 Lucille Ball

 The Beatles

 Ulysses S. Grant

 Michael Jordan

 Thomas Edison

 Walt Disney

 Abraham Lincoln

Can you imagine the world today if these people listened to their critics?

Here is a book you may be interested in reading: Famous Failures: Hundreds of Hot Shots Who Got Rejected, Flunked Out, Worked Lousy Jobs, Goofed Up, or Did Time in Jail Before Achieving Phenomenal Success, by Joey Green.

Chapter Exercises:

Exercise 1
Rate your level of self-confidence.

Caterpillar 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 Butterfly

Exercise 2
What do you believe for your life? Present and future? Why?

Exercise 3
Which voice is louder in your life, your Inner Critic or your Inner Coach? Why?

Exercise 4
Make a list of how your Inner Critic developed. What were the negative experiences that shaped your current self-image? If there is a voice behind the statement, identify it.

Exercise 5
List the comments your Inner Critic says to you, why you think he says it to you and, if there is a voice behind the comment, identify it.

Exercise 6
In what areas of your life do you feel inadequate? Why?

Exercise 7
How might you view what happened to create a different conclusion that is founded in love, understanding and forgiveness?

Available on Amazon
Published by Goodnight Publishing

Remaining Chapters:
Remaining Chapters with sneek-peaks in select chapters.

Chapter 2: Strategizing
Chapter 3: Critic's Arsenal
Chapter 4: Conquering Fear
Chapter 5: I AM a Butterfly
Chapter 6: Developing Your Wings

Professional Reviews:

Melanie Tighe is the owner of Dog-Eared Pages Used Books/Written for the City Sun Times, Phoenix, AZ
Chase begins with a story about Natalie, a misunderstood caterpillar in a village called Commonplace. We all know the caterpillar-butterfly connection, but her surprising story layers lesson upon lesson which she then outlines in the workbook portion of the text. Lessons such as how to silence your inner critic, how to deal with outer critics, and how to hear your inner coach or cheerleader.

If you know a young person struggling to find their way in the world, and you don’t know what to say to them to help, give them a copy of Discover Your Wings. Chase’s part fable-part workbook can help both teens and adults work through their fears, frustrations, and failures and realize their confidence to soar.

By Barbara Watkins "Freelance Reviewer" (Missouri) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME) This review is from: Discover Your Wings (Paperback)
`Discover Your Wings' by author, 'Angela Dawnell Chase', is a poignant story that will touch the life of everyone that reads it - will not only touch your life, but will change your life. It is for everyone that has ever been persecuted and held back because of another's lack of belief in them. This read is for the little girl who dreams of being a ballerina, but is sadly told it would never happen because she is too awkward and shy.

Reclaim your self-esteem; walk tall with confidence that you can do anything when you accept your own unique abilities. Ignore those around you who insist on holding you back - `Angela Dawnell Chase' gives you the tools you need to succeed and takes you down the path of splendid possibilities with this thought - provoking read.

You might be asking, "What makes Mrs. Chase an expert on such a topic?" She is a Certified Life Coach, and an Ambassador for the `Yes I Can Project' - A wonderful project that teaches our youth and adults how to remove those limiting beliefs, so that they can find the confidence to move forward. I highly recommend this book and I thoroughly enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece of excellence.

Carra Riley Author of Cosmic Cow Pie...Connecting The Dots
Angela Dawnell Chase is also the author of, `The Confident Butterfly' and `Making Lemonade - A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce.' Keep and eye on this talented author as she spreads her beautiful butterfly wings and soars high!

The book is created in a format that allows a freedom to develop new ideas with the interesting characters and really points out lessons that can easily be overlooked.
Parents, friends and neighbors can unknowingly cause people to question their ability to accomplish anything they set their mind to. They ask questions like: Are you good enough? Can you really do anything?

Does your background limit your forward progress?

Angela shares from the heart a story that will inspire the reader and help remove fear from life experiences.

After reading about the confident butterfly, there is a series of exercises that will show how to overcome limiting beliefs and break free of the "cocoon consciousness" that could be holding a person back.

It is great to find out that flying is an option after spending life crawling on the ground.

Black Diamond Lifestyle Management / Linda Christensen
Angela has written two wonderful books! I admire her strength, courage and faith to see her through various types of abuse and write about it in Making Lemonade.

In her newest release, Discover Your Wings, there are over fifty exercises that are appropriate for anyone who is searching for skills to raise self-confidence through the story of a caterpillar. She touches the heart with her message of hope, and strategies for self-empowerment.” November 4, 2010
Top qualities: Great Results, Personable, Creative

Reader Reviews:

Natalie is a little caterpillar who daydreams of life beyond the everyday expectations in her leaf-gathering communmity. Through sheer moxie she decides to make her dreams reality and sets off into unknown territory where untold adventures await. Through a happenstance meeting with a beautiful butterfly, Natalie learns what it will take to move into a life far grander than she has imagined. Follow Natalie's courageous journey and then begin a journey of your own into self-discovery that can take you, too, beyond your wildest dreams. Author Angela Chase has provided thought-provoking exercises that will assist you in exploring those beliefs that hold you back so you can break free of their bondage and learn to soar like the butterfly you were meant to become. This book is well worth the price and well worth the investment in time. If you follow in Chase's footsteps, you will indeed discover your wings and come through the experience a more confident, courageous person. Sherry Porter editor/reader

 Reading "Discover your Wings" was a wonderful delightful experience! I laughed I cried and was encouraged by the story and reminded never give up, there is always hope and dreams do come true even when they have seemed shelved so long they have collected dust. Angela gives divine inspiration and Holy Ghost courage to press in and on and never let go of your dreams. I highly recommend this book to everyone and anyone the old and young alike , especially teenagers before the wet blankets of the world put out their fire. The younger the better while dreams are young and fresh it will inspire greatness. I recently sent it to my grandaughter so she will dream big and believe in herself. Good job Angela, and thanks for your encouragment! Vickey Close

I LOVED this book! It's for women of all ages, and is full of relevant, practical illustrations and applications of confidence. Every woman knows all too well that nagging little voice of "Commander Critic" who slowly or torrentially drains the confidence from your walk, talk and image of yourself. Author Angela Dawnell Chase guides you through ways to silence him, reclaim your confidence and go after your dreams. With the exercises, you do the work of investigating what is holding you back, but more importantly, they're thought-provoking, aimed to give you insight into who your are and what motivates and inspires you to keep going. This book is like having an honest and positive conversation with Chase--she's on your side, she relates to you like a friend, and encourages you forward in your dreams and life. Get ready to soar, butterflies, and discover your wings! Danette Utley

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