Sneek-peak of Chapter Two. For complete chapters you may order Discover Your Wings at Amazon.
War Tactics
Now that you understand how your beliefs and perceptions are formed and how they form your thoughts, it's time to begin reprogramming your brain. You now have to find ways to go into your "software" and eliminate the damage that has been done to your self-confidence and attack it like an anti-virus program.
Have you ever felt like a lightning bug that’s lost its thunder? On the days you feel like you’ve hit the windshield of life, Inner Critic chatters on the most.
These next four chapters will explain how to change your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions and the exercises will help you begin forming your own so you can shine brightly.
Have a Willingness to Change
First, before you can do anything, you must want to change. You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to change, and no one can help you unless you’re ready to awaken the magic of chrysalis with in yourself. Be careful to avoid co-dependent and enabling relationships, for these will only hinder your progress.
By recognizing the times when the Inner Critic is running or, more accurately, ruining your life, you can take back the control.
Change Your Thoughts, Perceptions, Beliefs
Action begins with a thought. There is power in your thoughts that controls your future. Positive and negative thoughts are equally powerful, so be careful which one you’re focusing on consciously and subconsciously.
Your brain is like a fertile garden that’s ready for planting. You have a choice between planting petunias or poison ivy. Whichever you plant, the garden will return to you. Be careful of what you create. Positive thoughts bloom dreams. Negative thoughts poison and destroy.
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become character,
it becomes your destiny.
~Author Unknown
While you’re on your journey, you’ll get weeds of doubt, worry, and frustration; after all, you’re human, and it’s impossible to stay happy and positive in every part, especially the middle. I do believe that having feelings of frustration and being tired are just a part of the process, but don’t let the negative, spirit-killing thoughts detour your from your dreams and goals. They are wasted energy and aren’t benefiting your future. In fact, they’re harming it. You need to find a way to stay focused and move forward.
Change negative thoughts into positive ones. This may be difficult at first, so you’re going to have to do this exercise on purpose until it can become natural to you. It may take awhile to retrain your brain, but it’s crucial you learn how to do this in order to start forming your new beliefs that will change your future and bring forth your wings.
Change Your Friends/Evaluate Your Family
It’s been said, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”
Your friends usually share the same beliefs and values as you do and help shape you. If you want to change your beliefs and values, you may have to change your friends in order to move forward.
Find supportive, like-minded people whom you admire and can gather strength and information from. Remove yourself from the negative influences and from those who reinforce the Inner Critic. You can choose your friends. Unfortunately, you can’t choose your parents.
If your family is not healthy for you, you have the option of removing them from your life; however, if you’re not able to cut them from your life, you can limit the amount of time you spend around them and set up healthy boundaries.
When you’re trying to change yourself and move toward your future, your current friends and family members may become jealous or angry and want to hold you back to hold onto the old you.
Everyone in your life will not celebrate
the unfolding of your authentic self.
Some people, believe it or not,
were comfortable with your limitations,
your old roles, your old denials,
all of which got along very nicely with theirs.
~Barbara DeAngelis
Like mother, like daughter. Like father, like son. How many times have you heard this? This is true to some degree, but you do have a choice as you mature whether to follow their examples, beliefs, and values or set your own course.
Children often mimic what they see even if they hate what they see and feel they’re trapped in a certain life-style. People tend to blame this on generational curses. Generational curses are a myth! They only serve as excuses and trappings to hide behind.
Your ________is/was an alcoholic; therefore you will be.
Your ________is/was a drug addict; therefore you will be.
Your _______ is/was a criminal; therefore you will be.
You are not your family! You’re a unique individual with your own destiny, your own dreams, and can make your own choices. You can become whoever you want to become despite your circumstances. Embrace opportunities presented to you so you can be the one to break the cycle.
Each new generation should be a generation filled with hope and renewed life rather than repeating the same patterns of self-destruction. It comes down to choice. What do you want for your life?
Natalie was expected to follow in her parents’ foot-steps—graduate, start a family, and gather leaves. When she clearly displayed she wanted more for her life, her mother was cruel, her family distant.
She chose to walk away from her family, her home, and everything she knew in order to honor her heart and to find what she needed to have a healthy, fulfilled life. After discovering herself and uncovering the truth, she went home to share her knowledge.
In real life, your family may still reject your findings and continue their beliefs or they may change. If they don’t accept you and what you have to offer, you’re not responsible for their choices.
Personal Note:
My father’s side of the family are alcoholics and drug addicts; therefore, everyone thought I would struggle with alcohol and drugs. It bothered me that they weren’t giving me a choice in who I wanted to become.
In their mind, they thought they were trying to warn me. I didn’t like the option presented to me and made a decision that I would follow my own path.
Most children would’ve believed the precaution as a premonition for their future.
Exercise 11
What affiliations do you need to change? Who are the negative influences in your life? Do you need to walk away from or limit your time with family members?
Exercise 12
Do you have encouraging people in your life? Mentors? A support structure? Who are they? If not, where can you find them?
