It's all about reprogramming your brain. Imagine all the negative self talk from you and from other people is like a computer virus. You now have to find ways of going into your "software" and eliminate the damage that has been done to your self-confidence and attack it back just like an anti-virus program. It can be done. "The subconscious mind does not know the difference between real and unreal. It accepts what you feed it." Dr. Maxwell Maltz.
1. Make a Decision to Change
a. By improving yourself confidence, everything else in your life will certainly change.
b. The more you feel empowered, the more you will want to change.
c. Make the change for yourself and not for someone else.
2. Change the Way You Look at Yourself. Don’t look at your negatives. Look for the positive and uniqueness of who you are.
a. Start a list of the 20 things you like about yourself.
b. List your gifts and talents.
c. Be okay with the things that you even need to change. The Paradox, this allows you to change those things.
d. Be okay with your imperfectness. NO ONE IS PERFECT!
Do not strive for perfection. We aren’t perfect and never will be. You’re setting yourself up for failure.
The "Be like Jesus" syndrome will cause you to fail before you even begin.
e. Just be the best you. Too many expectations of an unrealistic you will set you up for failure just as quickly.
3. Reinforce these Positive Things about Yourself
a. Say positive things about yourself.
b. Write positive things about yourself and post them around the house, bathroom, fridge, bedroom, car. Places you will constantly see them and read them aloud.
c. Accept compliments from others. It’s time to throw modesty out the window.
d. Give and get more hugs.
e. Work hard at meaningful conversations.
4. Re-examine Your Relationships with Others. Make changes if necessary.
a. Find healthy relationships that help support and build you up.
b. Remove destructive relationships and influences.
c. Create healthy boundaries from those destructive relationships.
5. Get Rid of Negative Self-Thought
a. Learn ways to silence the inner critic.
b. Learn ways to silence past conversations from others.
c. Analyze what others have said and decide if they are rational, based on true facts. Write them out and face them head-on.
d. If some are valid, work on changing the habit, acts, etc. to positive.
e. Consider the source of who told you these things.
6. Make a Specific Change in Your Behavior
a. Determine if something really needs to be changed and do it.
b. Have specific goals and start small and easy.
c. Celebrate your changes, progress.
Remember, you are a perfect creation of God/Universe. You're worth being loved and worth self love. Be prepared that when making these changes and putting healthy boundaries in place, you may cause some resistance from those around you. They may not want you to change and fear losing you. HOLD YOUR GROUND!
Discover Your Wings is the perfect book to help you implement these changes in your life. Great book for teenage girls as well.