Sunday, June 27, 2010

Chapter Twenty-Three of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

Cinderella Found Her Fairy Tale

God sat, a silent spectator in the theatre of my mind, watching my heart play across the stage. My dreams, hopes and desires He captured, then gave me Travis.

September 29th, when Travis recited his vows, I felt him marry me for life. No glass slippers will be lost after midnight. My prince will not turn back into a frog, and my reality will be better than any fairy tale could ever promise, because this marriage didn’t come from a magic wand; it came from the love of my Father.

I really didn’t want the big wedding Travis envisioned. It sounded wonderful at first, but as the expense grew, I wondered if it was really worth it. Finding the wedding dress I wanted to wear was a complete nightmare. Several times I expressed my thoughts. I finally surrendered to the idea when his friends told me that Travis waited a long time for me.

Travis’ first wedding wasn’t pleasant. He and his wife fought the night before because they, too, were settling. His family didn’t expect it to last. They actually placed bets if the marriage would even last a year.

When I saw the wedding pictures, Travis and his bride looked as miserable as the family photographs from the early 1800’s. I felt he deserved to have a more positive experience.

We don’t subscribe to any formula for marriage other than one: 95% fun, 5% serious. And the serious is saved for when the house is burning down. We simply love and know each other’s heart. No problem or situation is more important than our marriage.

When we do “argue,” most of the time it ends in laughter. Married to Steve, I always prepared for the hurtful words or the look of disapproval. Whereas Steve brought out the worst in me, Travis brings out the best, the unconditional love in my heart and the forgiveness. Neither of us is perfect; neither intends to hurt the other.

We spend time giggling, laughing and tickling each other. My dad came to visit me while we were dating, and he told my mom we were like two kids. When my parents approved of Travis, I knew this union was from God. My mom even gave him a cross necklace that used to belong to my grandmother to say “welcome to the family.”

During our honeymoon at the Grand Canyon, I waited to take pictures of God’s awe-inspiring sunset. As daylight inhaled its last breath, clouds shifted, forming two blue hearts joined together. It seemed even God approved of this union. Quickly I snapped the picture.

Upon development, you could clearly see the image of Cupid stringing the hearts together in his bow. This time, I didn’t want to shoot Cupid back. ( Above right top of the heart is his head followed by the body/wings.)

Cards, once given out of obligation to celebrate an event in my old marriage, are now given just because in my new relationship.

Often I glance over at him or look deep in his eyes and wonder, did I really die that night in October and God is showing me a life that I could have had? Or is he just a dream, a foreshadowing of a future yet to come, and I will find myself back in my bed in Lake Havasu longing to be living my dream?

What did I do right in my life to deserve such a loving person who loves and adores me and supports my ambitions, and has kissed away my disappointments as I strive toward my dreams?

There will be no lost slippers made of glass and no clock that strikes twelve. Truly, we are married until death do us part. No battle that comes our way is fought alone, for we stand strongly beside each other. My circumstances are his; his are mine. One flesh. One heart. One life.

This is the poem I wrote for my husband on our wedding day.

To The Love of My Life

In the spring of 2005, I fired my fairy god mother.
With a simple prayer I enlisted the God Father.
Ask and you shall receive,
For all you have to do is believe.

“God, you know what I want, you know who I need.
You have given me a great life, but I need help in my journey.
Go seek the perfect person for me.
When you find him, write his name upon my heart;
Write my name upon his heart.”

While in the gray shades of my life, I dreamed of enchanted castles
And of shadows of love dancing by the light of candles.
Looking at the world through my garden of milk weeds and thistles,
Heaven responded to a desperate prayer
And sent a Prince who was kind, loving, and who would always care.

Our love endured and grew through a lost job,
A lost and found dog,
And financial happenstance
Because LOVE always prevails through any circumstance.

On this great journey and ride of my life,
I am incredibly blessed that God chose me to be your wife.
Of all the miracles I have received, big and small
You are the greatest of all.

Your love gave an Angel flight;
You have even re-inspired me to write.
Caught in your enchantment, you lift my dreams higher,
Comforted by your love, my heart you inspire.

I believe in you, I believe in us.
I am looking forward to the future God has for us.
I know there will be days I trade my halo for horns
And my temper as sharp as thorns,

But always know I love you
And that my love for you is always true.
At the stroke of twelve there will be no lost slippers made of glass,
No carriages turned to pumpkins because the fairy tale wouldn’t last.
For our love will dance throughout all time;
Forever in my heart you are always mine.

Your Angel

(I would like to add that this poem has been tested since it was written. The day my book was published was the day I lost my job. Yes, another lost job! And my two dogs also died within the year of our first marriage. I'd like to say it's been all wine and roses, but more like sour grapes and thorns. Our love has been tested and still endures because he didn't marry me for money. He didn't marry me for my job. He simply married me.)

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Another Sneek-Peak of The Confident Butterfly

Are you tired of people telling you who you are? Are you a Natalie or just another brain-washed caterpillar accepting other people's beliefs for your life? Be strong. Be confident. Be a butterfly.

After all the new butterflies were gathered, the Queen joined them to speak a final blessing. “Today you are new creatures with an incredible future filled with dreams and hopes. You're no longer bound to the earth. Now you can soar to wherever your spirit leads you. Let your dreams be your guiding spirits as you continue to grow and develop and explore the world around you. Congratulations on your first step to becoming everything you know you can become.”

Mesmerized by the Queen’s inspiring words, Natalie began to cry as she felt her wings stirring within her. She wished everyone in Common Place could’ve heard the message and wondered what her city would be like if they had.

Butterflies flew high into the air like wild confetti as everyone headed toward the great feast leaving the Queen, who was always the last to join. Goldie chose this moment to speak to her.

“Your Majesty, Natalie’s missed her deadline to change and she needs to be admitted to the Chrysalis Chamber.” Goldie pleaded.

The Queen was curious. “What’s the reason your transformation hasn’t taken place, Natalie?”

“No one in my city ever told us we’re supposed to change.”

“You’re not from Destiny?”

“No. I’m from Common Place on the other side of the river where our leader never told us about butterflies. He says that all we’ll ever become is what we currently are.”

“So your leader lied to the inhabitants of Common Place?” She was shocked and angry.

Natalie thought about her question and didn’t know the answer herself. “I don’t know if he lied or doesn’t know himself.”

“There are no butterflies in Common Place at all?”

“No, just caterpillars.”

“Very strange. I’ve never heard of this happening before. How did you happen upon this knowledge about butterflies, then?”

“I left my home to go on a great adventure, and that’s when I met Goldie.” She pointed to her friend. “She told me everything. She told me I had to come here so that I could become a butterfly.”

The Queen thought for a long moment before asking, “Why did you leave your home?”

Natalie shared with the Queen what her life was like at home.

“How old are you, Natalie?”


“I’m sorry. You’re too old, and you haven’t been indoctrinated with our beliefs. Therefore, the Chrysalis Chamber’s magic will not transform you,” the Queen stated. She bowed her head, “I can’t help you.” She turned to fly toward the party.

Natalie stood flabbergasted; she could feel her heart breaking. This couldn’t be happening! She had to do something before all was lost to her.

“Wait!” Natalie shouted at the Queen before she could leave.

The Queen was surprised by the insistent command and turned back.

“Excuse me, Your Majesty, but do you know me?”

“You know that we’ve just met,” she answered calmly.

“Then how do you know what I’m capable of? How do you know who I really am?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ve been told my whole life who I’m supposed to be, what to think, that my dreams are unachievable, that I’m a nobody. I chose to leave that life behind and find my own answers for my dreams.

“In the process I’ve been terrified, gotten lost, and nearly eaten by a bird. But I believed my dreams were bigger than my fears and my challenges, and I kept going. Then I learned the truth about myself, and now I’m being denied that truth? I disagree, Your Majesty. I know I’m a butterfly.

"I know who I am, and I know my true destiny.” Her tears verified her determination for her dreams. “I will have my wings. No more limitations will be placed on my life.” She believed nothing less for herself.

To purchase a copy of the complete story:

If you missed the begining of the book:

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Chapter Twenty of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

The Engagement

While in the gray shades of my life, I dreamed of enchanted castles and of love dancing by the light of candles. For sixteen years I looked out at the world through a garden of milk weeds and thistles and fantasized of a lover who was gentle, loving and would always care. Then one day, on April 7th, real unconditional love came my way. Travis asked me to be his wife.

When Travis and I first met, our hearts contained walls of titanium. Inside were laser beams, steel traps, barbed wire and barking dogs dripping with anticipation of biting the next person who tried to break our hearts.

I could hear the soft, near silent screams of the person behind the walls and barriers Travis wanted the world to see. He wanted people to see past the pain from all the broken relationships, past his faults and see his true heart and true potential.

But people only look at the outside package, the sparkling wrapping paper with the perfect ribbon. If they see the sign Caution: Damaged Contents Inside, they run.

As I began trusting God, my walls came down. I knew God wouldn’t put me into another relationship that was harmful, just as he would not allow the same for Travis. God knew that we had both been hurt and wanted love. Because Travis didn’t have a great experience with relationships, I had to convince him I was different, that I’m my own breed of woman.

During my divorce, I never thought I would trust anyone again. As much as I wanted to get married and have a healthy relationship, I never thought I could get to the point of trusting. But when you trust in God, it changes you. I trusted Travis through God until I got to the point where I could just simply trust Travis, then fall in love with him.

There were issues that I had to face as our relationship progressed, but I was honest in how I felt and wanted Travis to help me through them. I had to learn that not every man was my ex-husband. Just because one person was unable to love me and know my heart did not mean that God couldn’t find someone else for me who could.

I had to learn how to let another man touch me, kiss me, look into my eyes without me looking away. One night Travis took me to a nice restaurant, and I spent most of it looking out at the city or counting the peanut shells on the floor as he held my hand.

When he tried to kiss me, I turned away or put my head down. As much as I wanted to be kissed, I was still shy and felt awkward. I finally had to tell him to just grab me and kiss me. He happily obliged.

Travis was cautious at first because it was such a short time after my divorce that I met him. My marriage was unique in the sense that I was alone during most of it. I also had nine months to grow in the Lord and in myself before I met him. Just because Steve couldn’t love me or appreciate me I was not going to allow him to continue holding me prisoner. I couldn’t let one person influence my thoughts on love and marriage. Life equals risk. And love is the greatest risk of all, but it’s worth the risk.

We helped each other and learned from each other. Our determination to have a better life gave us the strength to move forward. Now we have a beautiful marriage that inspires our single friends.

To order Making Lemonade - A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce