I AM a Butterfly!

Who Am I?

Never give up on your dreams. The song in your heart proclaiming who you are cannot be silenced. If you refuse to hear the words and refuse to dance to the rhythm of the beat, you're not only cheating yourself of your destiny, you're cheating the world of the unique gifts only you can give.

Natalie wasn’t a superhero. She was just a girl who had dreams and wanted more for herself than what her family and city was offering her. If she was just an ordinary girl, what made her so unique and special that she had to find herself? It was her determination for a better life, no matter what. She was willing to leave everything she knew behind—her family and her comfortable surroundings to learn the truth about what lay beyond the walls of her community.

Your determination will be your uniqueness that will set you apart from others who only want the small, commonplace life and are willing to put up with that limited life everyone is always willing to offer them.

The power that elevates

is found in a brave, determined spirit.

~Mark Twain

Don’t settle for a small, commonplace life. Demand more for yourself. Declare, as of this moment forward, there will be no more limitations, and you are a butterfly!

“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely

 in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside,

thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming

— Whoo Hoo — What a Ride!”

Everything we must have in order to become who we are is already inside us. I believe you’re born with your dream. After all, ask any small child and they’ll be happy to tell you their dream, but we lose sight of who we are and our dream when other people tell us negative things.

Be your own unique butterfly that you are and not a brainwashed caterpillar. You have your own destiny and flight path in the world. Don't be afraid to soar to new heights. Inspire. Be inspired.

Chapter Three of Discover Your Wings

Sneek-peak of Chapter Three.  For complete chapters you may order Discover Your Wings at Amazon.

Critic’s Arsenal

Weapons of Mass Distortion

Commander Critic is ruthless, and he doesn’t fight fair. There are many weapons within his arsenal.

It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head.

~Sally Kempton

Distortions are bad habits of thinking that are based on your beliefs, and they will keep your wings forever locked within you where they will eventually wither and die.

Distortions include over generalizing, which is seeing a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of failure. Inner Critic uses words such as:

 Always
 All
 Everyone
 No one
 Every
 None
 Never
 Can’t
 Don’t

All or nothing thinking is your worst enemy for accomplishing goals. In this mindset, you think if something can’t be done perfectly, then it can’t be done at all, like missing a day of exercise or cheating on your diet. This thinking makes you believe you’ve failed and all is lost, so you give up.

So you missed a day at the gym or ate a few helpings of double chocolate molten lava cake. All is not lost! Your body won’t forget how to stop burning calories, and your muscles won’t turn into instant jelly. Resume your goal the next day.

Filtering is when you only focus on the negative and reject anything positive that happened. If anything, you can take away a good lesson from a bad experience.

Mind reading is assuming you know what other people are thinking about you. Do you ever feel like the whole world is against you?

You’re not clairvoyant! Stop it!

Maximizing or minimizing is when you’re making a mountain out of a molehill or you’re making a molehill out of a mountain.

There may be times when your problems may appear so large they’ll swallow you whole. Are your problems really as large as the bird that tried to eat Natalie, or do they just appear that way?

Emotional reasoning is when your emotions are making your decisions for you. This form of reasoning makes you assume your distorted feelings are fact.

Since emotional reasoning distorts your thought pattern, never make a decision until you’ve had time to regroup your brain cells.

Labeling is creating stereotypes for yourself and other people. Instead of describing the error, you attach a negative label. Labels are limiting and harmful.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

~W.C. Fields

Personalizing is when you see yourself as the cause of some negative event or decision that was made and feel it’s a personal attack on you.

Distortions were crawling everywhere in Common Place. That’s what distortions do; they keep you crawling along in a common place in life.

One tragic accident led a former Commander to jump to the conclusion that all caterpillars would be eaten if they ventured into the clearing. That conclusion caused generations of fear. No one was allowed to travel beyond the safety of the city borders. Seriously, all caterpillars would be eaten? This statement may sound ridiculous, but how often do you have these types of thoughts?

Commander Critic labeled everyone as leaf-gatherers and convinced them it was their chosen destiny. Natalie was labeled a trouble-maker for following her heart’s desires and not wanting to conform to a limiting life.

Remember when the Queen of Destiny declared Natalie was too old to change? You’re never too old to do anything you want to do!

You’re never too old to learn.
You’re never too old to dream.
You’re never too old to play.

Age is just a number to identify how long you’ve been on this earth. It has nothing to do with your goals, dreams, and adventurous spirit.

The Commander was quick to reassure everyone of Common Place that how you were born is how you'll be for the rest of your life. You may have been born into a circumstance, but your fate isn’t sealed in that circumstance. You choose your own path and destiny.

Why was Timmy able to transform into a butterfly in front of everyone? He was young and impressionable. His excitement overshadowed what he’d been taught long enough for him to believe in the idea; therefore, he was able to transform.

Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers.

~Mignon

What is holding you back from truly discovering your wings?

Games Critic Plays

Remember playing the game Life when you were a kid? It was fun, and if your life didn’t turn out the way you wanted it to, it didn’t matter; it was all going back into the box at the end of the game. Real life is messy, and you can’t put it back in the box. You have to live with the consequences of bad choices and circumstances.

If Commander Critic can’t fight you in the present, he’ll play with your past and keep you running in circles like a dog chasing its own tail until you’re nothing but dizzy and exhausted.

ERROR! GAME OVER

Mistakes are assets; you learn valuable information from what didn’t work and why so you can move forward and discover what does work for you. What improvements need to be made?

You need to allow for a certain amount of mistakes to be made. However, if you keep making chronic mistakes in certain areas of your life, you need to find out why and possibly enlist help from friends or other outside sources to help you analyze from a different perspective why you keep making the same mistakes.

Mistakes should be called little learnings. Learn from them; don’t dwell on them. Even your worst mistakes can lead to something positive. Reframe your past failures into a positive experience.

If I hadn’t done _____________________, I never would’ve discovered _____________________.

If you stumble, make it part of your dance.

~Unknown

Everyone makes mistakes, even the most famous of inventors or businessmen.

Thomas Edison, most famous for inventing the light bulb, held 1,093 patents. Not every idea was a success. In 1899, he formed the Edison Portland Cement Company where he made everything from cement including pianos, houses, and phonograph cabinets.

The idea never came to fruition due to the expense of the cement. However, his idea was not a complete failure as his company was hired to build Yankee Stadium.

Edison wanted to bring sound to the silent film. In 1895, he introduced the kinetophone, a peep-hole motion picture viewer with a phonograph that played inside the cabinet. Sound could be heard through two ear tubes while the viewer watched the images.

The idea wasn’t popular and was abandoned in 1915. His motion picture camera, however, was a success.

What about Bill Gates? How many Windows and Office systems did he produce that were less than successful?

A clever man commits no minor blunders.

~Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

Sometimes even life-threatening mistakes can lead to something good. Natalie ventured out the morning after the rain and failed to see the danger until it was too late. It nearly cost Natalie her life. But her mistake introduced her to Goldie who revealed to Natalie the truth that led her to her destiny.

Mistakes are just part of your cocoon that help you develop your wings.

If at first you don't succeed,

swallow all the evidence that you tried.

~Jane Seabrook

A Twister of Decisions

I should have, I shouldn’t have can leave you twisted up in knots.

No one is perfect and not all the decisions we make in life are the right ones for many reasons.

Are you judging yourself on a past decision or mistake in your life based on the current knowledge you have today? Did you make the best decision based on the knowledge you had at that time, or was it truly just a bad decision? Making a bad decision isn’t the end of the world. It can help you make better choices in the future.

When Natalie became lost in the thicket and panicked, all she could think about was how she should have heeded the warnings from the signs and should have listened to Commander Critic because he knew what was best for her.

She began second-guessing her decision to leave and wanted to turn back. There was no way Natalie could have known the dangers and challenges that waited for her. Not only had she never left the city, but no one else had in decades.

Everything beyond the border signs was new territory and a new experience for her. She made the best decisions at the time based on her limited amount of experience.

However, Natalie should have been paying more attention to her surroundings when she left the safety of the log and realized with the rain the worms would surface and draw out the birds. But she was preoccupied with her big adventure.

Thankfully, she wasn’t hurt. It’s a lesson she’ll never forget that will make her more aware and wiser in the future.

Relax. Forgive yourself for your past blunders. Hindsight is 20/20.

Happiness is nothing more than

good health and a bad memory.

~ Albert Schweitzer

The Blame Game

One of the hardest thing in life is to be accountable for your actions and take responsibility and ownership for your mistakes. It’s easier to blame someone else for them; however, if you can’t take responsibility for your mistakes, you can’t take credit for making the right choices.

As a child you don’t have a choice in how other people treated you; you may not have had control over the situation. As an adult you now posses that the power in how you handle yourself and your past.

Are you using what happened in the past as an excuse or crutch for not moving forward or for how your life turned out? Do you view yourself as a victim or a victor over your circumstances?

You can only blame people for so long. At some point, you become responsible for your actions. No matter what.

Natalie took responsibility and chose her own dreams rather than fall victim to the life that was offered to her.

SORRY!

When someone mentions the word forgiveness, it’s like a four-letter word that can send shivers up your spine. The reason most people have difficulty forgiving is because they don’t understand what it is and how it can set them free. Forgiveness gives you peace. Without it, there is no complete healing.

So let go of the baggage already! It’s unhealthy to hold onto every hurt someone inflicted on you. Unforgiveness is like pouring concrete on yourself; your heart will harden, and it will only turn you into an ugly statue frozen forever in one place.

So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a decision that purifies the heart, releases the pain, hate, and bitterness from you when you release the offender over to the Universe to correct.

It’s the antidote for depression, anger, bitterness, spiritual and emotional illness, and loneliness. These all-consuming and obsessive feelings will poison your heart, your life, and every relationship you try to form.

Forgiveness is not forgetting what was done to you. You shouldn’t have to hide your pain; however, make sure you express it in a healthy way. Revenge is often messy.

You don’t need to reconcile with that person or even let them know you’ve forgiven them, just release them.

Saying you’re sorry is perhaps one of the hardest things a person can do. At least accept what they say. Accepting the apology clears the air and helps you heal. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to trust the person again or even have a relationship with them.

Only you can decide if you want to forgive. Until you do, it’s like being chained to the offender for the rest of your life because unforgiveness holds you hostage to the past, the offender, and keeps you from healing so you can move toward a healthy future.

Imagine yourself handcuffed to every person you’ve ever held a grudge against—your ex-spouse, the kid in fifth grade, an ex-friend. The chain is real. The people are real. The weight holding you back from trying to walk forward in your life is very real. You’re either laboring forward, out of breath and tired, or you’re stuck.

Unforgiveness binds you literally, in the spiritual sense, to that person and to the offense. The act of forgiveness is an exchange of power that breaks this binding force. Do you wonder why you walk around always feeling like that person is right there with you, and you can’t shake them from your life?

Only you hold the key to your self-made prison. Break the chains holding you in captivity.

Don’t give the offense or the offender all the power. You are better than the wrong done to you.

Not only is it important to have forgiveness for others, but also to have forgiveness for yourself, so you can make peace with your past and move forward.

We have to learn to be our own best friends

because we fall too easily into the trap

of being our own worst enemies

~Roderick Thorp

Natalie forgave her mother for the hurtful comments and even managed to look past the repeated incidents with Mr. Foland. The things said and done to Natalie hurt her deeply. She didn’t make excuses for their behavior. What they did was wrong, but she understood why they belittled her dreams and didn’t understand her.

After seeing and experiencing the wonders of Destiny, no one could blame Natalie for wanting to stay and never return home. She wanted to give Common Place a chance to see the truth so they could decide their own fate. What they did with that knowledge was up to them.

If things hadn’t changed, Natalie would have left so she could continue to grow and not be held back by her critics.

Natalie never forgot what Mr. Foland did to her. With his transformation, he realized what he did was horribly wrong and he wanted to let Natalie know he was sorry.

At first, she didn’t know how to handle the apology. Could she trust this person after everything he’d done? Was he sincere? Natalie realized how difficult it was for him to admit he was wrong and apologize. If she hadn’t accepted his apology, she not only would have missed out on a great editor, but she would have missed out on her own continued growth.

What about Natalie’s mother? She went from believing her daughter to be a delusional day-dreamer to helping her print her books. What could you be missing out on in your life?

The Queen of Destiny had to apologize to Natalie for assuming she was beyond the proper age to become a butterfly. She even had to apologize to the inhabitants of Destiny for withholding the truth of the true meaning of Chrysalis and correct a long-held belief.

I'm not old enough to play baseball or football. I'm not eight yet. My mom told me when you start baseball, you aren't going to be able to run that fast because you had an operation. I told Mom I wouldn't need to run that fast. When I play baseball, I'll just hit them out of the park. Then I'll be able to walk. ~Edward J. McGrath, Jr.

Exercise 21
How do I feel when I make mistakes? Am I overly hard on myself or judgmental?

Exercise 22
Do I often feel the need to strive for perfection? If so, when did I first realize I was imperfect or somehow flawed?

Exercise 24

How can I reframe my past failures to find something positive that I learned?

Exercise 25
What do I need or want to change about myself and my life? What are the verbal and mental triggers that keep holding me back?

Exercise 29
Journal about the people who have hurt you. Get out everything you ever wanted to say, but don’t send it to them! Later as you work through your emotions and can form an intelligent letter, write a new letter and send it if you still feel the need.

Exercise 30
The Garbage Can:

Write each failure and bad experience you had on a separate piece of paper.

Wad up each failure and bad experience one at a time, say “This is garbage. It’s not benefiting me and is wasted energy,” and throw it away.

As you throw away the negative away, keep focused on the lesson, and let the incidents go.

Write down the lesson you learned in this workbook below. This is what you want to remember from your experience.

Chapter Twenty-Three of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

Cinderella Found Her Fairy Tale

God sat, a silent spectator in the theatre of my mind, watching my heart play across the stage. My dreams, hopes and desires He captured, then gave me Travis.

September 29th, when Travis recited his vows, I felt him marry me for life. No glass slippers will be lost after midnight. My prince will not turn back into a frog, and my reality will be better than any fairy tale could ever promise, because this marriage didn’t come from a magic wand; it came from the love of my Father.

I really didn’t want the big wedding Travis envisioned. It sounded wonderful at first, but as the expense grew, I wondered if it was really worth it. Finding the wedding dress I wanted to wear was a complete nightmare. Several times I expressed my thoughts. I finally surrendered to the idea when his friends told me that Travis waited a long time for me.

Travis’ first wedding wasn’t pleasant. He and his wife fought the night before because they, too, were settling. His family didn’t expect it to last. They actually placed bets if the marriage would even last a year.

When I saw the wedding pictures, Travis and his bride looked as miserable as the family photographs from the early 1800’s. I felt he deserved to have a more positive experience.

We don’t subscribe to any formula for marriage other than one: 95% fun, 5% serious. And the serious is saved for when the house is burning down. We simply love and know each other’s heart. No problem or situation is more important than our marriage.

When we do “argue,” most of the time it ends in laughter. Married to Steve, I always prepared for the hurtful words or the look of disapproval. Whereas Steve brought out the worst in me, Travis brings out the best, the unconditional love in my heart and the forgiveness. Neither of us is perfect; neither intends to hurt the other.

We spend time giggling, laughing and tickling each other. My dad came to visit me while we were dating, and he told my mom we were like two kids. When my parents approved of Travis, I knew this union was from God. My mom even gave him a cross necklace that used to belong to my grandmother to say “welcome to the family.”

During our honeymoon at the Grand Canyon, I waited to take pictures of God’s awe-inspiring sunset. As daylight inhaled its last breath, clouds shifted, forming two blue hearts joined together. It seemed even God approved of this union. Quickly I snapped the picture.

Upon development, you could clearly see the image of Cupid stringing the hearts together in his bow. This time, I didn’t want to shoot Cupid back. ( Above right top of the heart is his head followed by the body/wings.)

Cards, once given out of obligation to celebrate an event in my old marriage, are now given just because in my new relationship.

Often I glance over at him or look deep in his eyes and wonder, did I really die that night in October and God is showing me a life that I could have had? Or is he just a dream, a foreshadowing of a future yet to come, and I will find myself back in my bed in Lake Havasu longing to be living my dream?

What did I do right in my life to deserve such a loving person who loves and adores me and supports my ambitions, and has kissed away my disappointments as I strive toward my dreams?

There will be no lost slippers made of glass and no clock that strikes twelve. Truly, we are married until death do us part. No battle that comes our way is fought alone, for we stand strongly beside each other. My circumstances are his; his are mine. One flesh. One heart. One life.

This is the poem I wrote for my husband on our wedding day.

To The Love of My Life

In the spring of 2005, I fired my fairy god mother.

With a simple prayer I enlisted the God Father.

Ask and you shall receive,

For all you have to do is believe.

“God, you know what I want, you know who I need.

You have given me a great life, but I need help in my journey.

Go seek the perfect person for me.

When you find him, write his name upon my heart;

Write my name upon his heart.”

While in the gray shades of my life, I dreamed of enchanted castles

And of shadows of love dancing by the light of candles.

Looking at the world through my garden of milk weeds and thistles,

Heaven responded to a desperate prayer

And sent a Prince who was kind, loving, and who would always care.

Our love endured and grew through a lost job,

A lost and found dog,

And financial happenstance

Because LOVE always prevails through any circumstance.

On this great journey and ride of my life,

I am incredibly blessed that God chose me to be your wife.

Of all the miracles I have received, big and small

You are the greatest of all.

Your love gave an Angel flight;

You have even re-inspired me to write.

Caught in your enchantment, you lift my dreams higher,

Comforted by your love, my heart you inspire.

I believe in you, I believe in us.

I am looking forward to the future God has for us.

I know there will be days I trade my halo for horns

And my temper as sharp as thorns,

But always know I love you

And that my love for you is always true.

At the stroke of twelve there will be no lost slippers made of glass,

No carriages turned to pumpkins because the fairy tale wouldn’t last.

For our love will dance throughout all time;

Forever in my heart you are always mine.

Your Angel

(I would like to add that this poem has been tested since it was written. The day my book was published was the day I lost my job. Yes, another lost job! And my two dogs also died within the year of our first marriage. I'd like to say it's been all wine and roses, but more like sour grapes and thorns. Our love has been tested and still endures because he didn't marry me for money. He didn't marry me for my job. He simply married me.)

Another Sneek-Peak of The Confident Butterfly

Are you tired of people telling you who you are? Are you a Natalie or just another brain-washed caterpillar accepting other people's beliefs for your life? Be strong. Be confident. Be a butterfly.

After all the new butterflies were gathered, the Queen joined them to speak a final blessing. “Today you are new creatures with an incredible future filled with dreams and hopes. You're no longer bound to the earth. Now you can soar to wherever your spirit leads you. Let your dreams be your guiding spirits as you continue to grow and develop and explore the world around you. Congratulations on your first step to becoming everything you know you can become.”


Mesmerized by the Queen’s inspiring words, Natalie began to cry as she felt her wings stirring within her. She wished everyone in Common Place could’ve heard the message and wondered what her city would be like if they had.

Butterflies flew high into the air like wild confetti as everyone headed toward the great feast leaving the Queen, who was always the last to join. Goldie chose this moment to speak to her.

“Your Majesty, Natalie’s missed her deadline to change and she needs to be admitted to the Chrysalis Chamber.” Goldie pleaded.

The Queen was curious. “What’s the reason your transformation hasn’t taken place, Natalie?”

“No one in my city ever told us we’re supposed to change.”

“You’re not from Destiny?”

“No. I’m from Common Place on the other side of the river where our leader never told us about butterflies. He says that all we’ll ever become is what we currently are.”

“So your leader lied to the inhabitants of Common Place?” She was shocked and angry.

Natalie thought about her question and didn’t know the answer herself. “I don’t know if he lied or doesn’t know himself.”

“There are no butterflies in Common Place at all?”

“No, just caterpillars.”

“Very strange. I’ve never heard of this happening before. How did you happen upon this knowledge about butterflies, then?”

“I left my home to go on a great adventure, and that’s when I met Goldie.” She pointed to her friend. “She told me everything. She told me I had to come here so that I could become a butterfly.”

The Queen thought for a long moment before asking, “Why did you leave your home?”

Natalie shared with the Queen what her life was like at home.

“How old are you, Natalie?”

“Seventeen.”

“I’m sorry. You’re too old, and you haven’t been indoctrinated with our beliefs. Therefore, the Chrysalis Chamber’s magic will not transform you,” the Queen stated. She bowed her head, “I can’t help you.” She turned to fly toward the party.

Natalie stood flabbergasted; she could feel her heart breaking. This couldn’t be happening! She had to do something before all was lost to her.

“Wait!” Natalie shouted at the Queen before she could leave.

The Queen was surprised by the insistent command and turned back.

“Excuse me, Your Majesty, but do you know me?”

“You know that we’ve just met,” she answered calmly.

“Then how do you know what I’m capable of? How do you know who I really am?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “I’ve been told my whole life who I’m supposed to be, what to think, that my dreams are unachievable, that I’m a nobody. I chose to leave that life behind and find my own answers for my dreams.

“In the process I’ve been terrified, gotten lost, and nearly eaten by a bird. But I believed my dreams were bigger than my fears and my challenges, and I kept going. Then I learned the truth about myself, and now I’m being denied that truth? I disagree, Your Majesty. I know I’m a butterfly.

"I know who I am, and I know my true destiny.” Her tears verified her determination for her dreams. “I will have my wings. No more limitations will be placed on my life.” She believed nothing less for herself.

To purchase a copy of the complete story:
http://www.amazon.com/Confident-Butterfly-Angela-Dawnell-Chase/dp/1451582757/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1276750952&sr=8-1

If you missed the begining of the book:
http://discoveryourwings.blogspot.com/2010/03/sneak-peak-at-confident-butterfly.html

Chapter Twenty of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

The Engagement

While in the gray shades of my life, I dreamed of enchanted castles and of love dancing by the light of candles. For sixteen years I looked out at the world through a garden of milk weeds and thistles and fantasized of a lover who was gentle, loving and would always care. Then one day, on April 7th, real unconditional love came my way. Travis asked me to be his wife.

When Travis and I first met, our hearts contained walls of titanium. Inside were laser beams, steel traps, barbed wire and barking dogs dripping with anticipation of biting the next person who tried to break our hearts.

I could hear the soft, near silent screams of the person behind the walls and barriers Travis wanted the world to see. He wanted people to see past the pain from all the broken relationships, past his faults and see his true heart and true potential.

But people only look at the outside package, the sparkling wrapping paper with the perfect ribbon. If they see the sign Caution: Damaged Contents Inside, they run.

As I began trusting God, my walls came down. I knew God wouldn’t put me into another relationship that was harmful, just as he would not allow the same for Travis. God knew that we had both been hurt and wanted love. Because Travis didn’t have a great experience with relationships, I had to convince him I was different, that I’m my own breed of woman.

During my divorce, I never thought I would trust anyone again. As much as I wanted to get married and have a healthy relationship, I never thought I could get to the point of trusting. But when you trust in God, it changes you. I trusted Travis through God until I got to the point where I could just simply trust Travis, then fall in love with him.

There were issues that I had to face as our relationship progressed, but I was honest in how I felt and wanted Travis to help me through them. I had to learn that not every man was my ex-husband. Just because one person was unable to love me and know my heart did not mean that God couldn’t find someone else for me who could.

I had to learn how to let another man touch me, kiss me, look into my eyes without me looking away. One night Travis took me to a nice restaurant, and I spent most of it looking out at the city or counting the peanut shells on the floor as he held my hand.

When he tried to kiss me, I turned away or put my head down. As much as I wanted to be kissed, I was still shy and felt awkward. I finally had to tell him to just grab me and kiss me. He happily obliged.

Travis was cautious at first because it was such a short time after my divorce that I met him. My marriage was unique in the sense that I was alone during most of it. I also had nine months to grow in the Lord and in myself before I met him. Just because Steve couldn’t love me or appreciate me I was not going to allow him to continue holding me prisoner. I couldn’t let one person influence my thoughts on love and marriage. Life equals risk. And love is the greatest risk of all, but it’s worth the risk.

We helped each other and learned from each other. Our determination to have a better life gave us the strength to move forward. Now we have a beautiful marriage that inspires our single friends.

To order Making Lemonade - A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce
http://www.amazon.com/Making-Lemonade-Spiritual-Journey-Through/dp/0595531148/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

Chapter Seventeen of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

Severing the Past

Reaching acceptance of my new life was like winning the lottery, like meeting a mega-movie star—it was exhilarating. I was finally free.

I quit fighting for my marriage to be restored. My energy for life came back. Things would never be the same again, but it was going to be alright.

I faced many seasons in my life. Where there was a wintery death, a cold frost that left my life dormant, a spring finally followed. New life was being reborn, unexpected life in unexpected places. But the past, like a fog, needed to be lifted for the sunlight to enter.

I sent out all my pictures of Cancun to everyone, including Steve, via e-mail. I wanted him to see I was healing and surviving without him, and I was actually having fun.

My ex-husband called me the next morning at work astonished that I went to Cancun by myself and even ventured to get in a shark tank. Briefly we talked, and he said he was coming by next Saturday for a few hours. I did want to see him, but it wasn’t to persuade him into taking me back, but to officially end our relationship. I didn’t want to tell him on the phone. I needed my closure.

I didn’t tell Travis up front that Steve was coming because I thought it would be better to wait until he left. I wanted no secrets in our relationship. Steve told me that she had gone home to see her family and did not tell her where he was going. That confirmed why I needed to end our relationship. If I stayed in contact with him, he would continue to see me in secret, and it would make me no better than what they did to me. If they did go their separate ways in the future, I didn’t want to be blamed. I had to be the bigger person. It was difficult to completely sever a sixteen year relationship.

“Do you still think about me?” was the first question Steve asked when he saw me.

I told him no. I had found a good life here, and I even met someone.

Several other questions came up. “Are you happy? Did you like Lake Havasu?” He continually asked weird, probing questions, as if he wanted to know if I would consider taking him back.

It was getting quite irritating. Later that afternoon I discovered he was fighting with her and had been for quite some time, most of it over me. Then he apologized to me for all the hurtful things he had done in the past. I told him I forgave him.

Confirming that I was moving on with my life and not interested in rekindling our relationship, I took him to the house I was buying. Some of his comments about my little home were insensitive, and I told him I was blessed to be able to have a home. I had a home of my own, and I did not have to put up with conditions to have it. That was truly a blessing.

On the way back we got into a terrible argument and I wasn’t nice. I was ashamed of myself for laughing at his pain.

“All we do is hurt each other, even when we don’t want to.” I told him why I was severing our relationship, and it hurt him because he wanted to keep me as a friend. This wasn’t the meeting he intended. I had my closure, but it was more painful than the divorce.

Travis called as soon as I walked into the house and all I could do was cry. Eventually I was able to tell him what happened.

To this day, we briefly make contact if the need arises. We have our own lives and I don’t wish to interfere.

On this day, I wrote out the death certificate and buried my past completely. I discovered when he came to see me I was no longer attracted to him. I no longer loved him or saw him as my husband. I didn’t want him back under any circumstances.

To purchase a copy of the entire book:

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Lemonade-Spiritual-Journey-Through/dp/0595531148/ref=tmm_pap_title_0

Chapter Two Discover Your Wings

Sneek-peak of Chapter Two. For complete chapters you may order Discover Your Wings at Amazon.

War Tactics

Now that you understand how your beliefs and perceptions are formed and how they form your thoughts, it's time to begin reprogramming your brain. You now have to find ways to go into your "software" and eliminate the damage that has been done to your self-confidence and attack it like an anti-virus program.

Have you ever felt like a lightning bug that’s lost its thunder? On the days you feel like you’ve hit the windshield of life, Inner Critic chatters on the most.

These next four chapters will explain how to change your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions and the exercises will help you begin forming your own so you can shine brightly.

Have a Willingness to Change

First, before you can do anything, you must want to change. You can’t help someone who isn’t ready to change, and no one can help you unless you’re ready to awaken the magic of chrysalis with in yourself. Be careful to avoid co-dependent and enabling relationships, for these will only hinder your progress.

By recognizing the times when the Inner Critic is running or, more accurately, ruining your life, you can take back the control.

Change Your Thoughts, Perceptions, Beliefs

Action begins with a thought. There is power in your thoughts that controls your future. Positive and negative thoughts are equally powerful, so be careful which one you’re focusing on consciously and subconsciously.

Your brain is like a fertile garden that’s ready for planting. You have a choice between planting petunias or poison ivy. Whichever you plant, the garden will return to you. Be careful of what you create. Positive thoughts bloom dreams. Negative thoughts poison and destroy.

Watch your thoughts, they become words.

Watch your words, they become actions.

Watch your actions, they become habits.

Watch your habits, they become character,

it becomes your destiny.

~Author Unknown

While you’re on your journey, you’ll get weeds of doubt, worry, and frustration; after all, you’re human, and it’s impossible to stay happy and positive in every part, especially the middle. I do believe that having feelings of frustration and being tired are just a part of the process, but don’t let the negative, spirit-killing thoughts detour your from your dreams and goals. They are wasted energy and aren’t benefiting your future. In fact, they’re harming it. You need to find a way to stay focused and move forward.

Change negative thoughts into positive ones. This may be difficult at first, so you’re going to have to do this exercise on purpose until it can become natural to you. It may take awhile to retrain your brain, but it’s crucial you learn how to do this in order to start forming your new beliefs that will change your future and bring forth your wings.


Change Your Friends/Evaluate Your Family

It’s been said, “Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future.”

Your friends usually share the same beliefs and values as you do and help shape you. If you want to change your beliefs and values, you may have to change your friends in order to move forward.

Find supportive, like-minded people whom you admire and can gather strength and information from. Remove yourself from the negative influences and from those who reinforce the Inner Critic. You can choose your friends. Unfortunately, you can’t choose your parents.

If your family is not healthy for you, you have the option of removing them from your life; however, if you’re not able to cut them from your life, you can limit the amount of time you spend around them and set up healthy boundaries.

When you’re trying to change yourself and move toward your future, your current friends and family members may become jealous or angry and want to hold you back to hold onto the old you.

Everyone in your life will not celebrate

the unfolding of your authentic self.

Some people, believe it or not,

were comfortable with your limitations,

your old roles, your old denials,

all of which got along very nicely with theirs.

~Barbara DeAngelis

Like mother, like daughter. Like father, like son. How many times have you heard this? This is true to some degree, but you do have a choice as you mature whether to follow their examples, beliefs, and values or set your own course.

Children often mimic what they see even if they hate what they see and feel they’re trapped in a certain life-style. People tend to blame this on generational curses. Generational curses are a myth! They only serve as excuses and trappings to hide behind.

 Your ________is/was an alcoholic; therefore you will be.

 Your ________is/was a drug addict; therefore you will be.

 Your _______ is/was a criminal; therefore you will be.

You are not your family! You’re a unique individual with your own destiny, your own dreams, and can make your own choices. You can become whoever you want to become despite your circumstances. Embrace opportunities presented to you so you can be the one to break the cycle.

Each new generation should be a generation filled with hope and renewed life rather than repeating the same patterns of self-destruction. It comes down to choice. What do you want for your life?

Natalie was expected to follow in her parents’ foot-steps—graduate, start a family, and gather leaves. When she clearly displayed she wanted more for her life, her mother was cruel, her family distant.

She chose to walk away from her family, her home, and everything she knew in order to honor her heart and to find what she needed to have a healthy, fulfilled life. After discovering herself and uncovering the truth, she went home to share her knowledge.

In real life, your family may still reject your findings and continue their beliefs or they may change. If they don’t accept you and what you have to offer, you’re not responsible for their choices.

Personal Note:

My father’s side of the family are alcoholics and drug addicts; therefore, everyone thought I would struggle with alcohol and drugs. It bothered me that they weren’t giving me a choice in who I wanted to become.

In their mind, they thought they were trying to warn me. I didn’t like the option presented to me and made a decision that I would follow my own path.

Most children would’ve believed the precaution as a premonition for their future.

Exercise 11

What affiliations do you need to change? Who are the negative influences in your life? Do you need to walk away from or limit your time with family members?

Exercise 12

Do you have encouraging people in your life? Mentors? A support structure? Who are they? If not, where can you find them?