Sunday, June 27, 2010

Chapter Twenty-Three of Making Lemonade A Spiritual Journey Through Pain and Divorce

Cinderella Found Her Fairy Tale

God sat, a silent spectator in the theatre of my mind, watching my heart play across the stage. My dreams, hopes and desires He captured, then gave me Travis.

September 29th, when Travis recited his vows, I felt him marry me for life. No glass slippers will be lost after midnight. My prince will not turn back into a frog, and my reality will be better than any fairy tale could ever promise, because this marriage didn’t come from a magic wand; it came from the love of my Father.

I really didn’t want the big wedding Travis envisioned. It sounded wonderful at first, but as the expense grew, I wondered if it was really worth it. Finding the wedding dress I wanted to wear was a complete nightmare. Several times I expressed my thoughts. I finally surrendered to the idea when his friends told me that Travis waited a long time for me.

Travis’ first wedding wasn’t pleasant. He and his wife fought the night before because they, too, were settling. His family didn’t expect it to last. They actually placed bets if the marriage would even last a year.

When I saw the wedding pictures, Travis and his bride looked as miserable as the family photographs from the early 1800’s. I felt he deserved to have a more positive experience.

We don’t subscribe to any formula for marriage other than one: 95% fun, 5% serious. And the serious is saved for when the house is burning down. We simply love and know each other’s heart. No problem or situation is more important than our marriage.

When we do “argue,” most of the time it ends in laughter. Married to Steve, I always prepared for the hurtful words or the look of disapproval. Whereas Steve brought out the worst in me, Travis brings out the best, the unconditional love in my heart and the forgiveness. Neither of us is perfect; neither intends to hurt the other.

We spend time giggling, laughing and tickling each other. My dad came to visit me while we were dating, and he told my mom we were like two kids. When my parents approved of Travis, I knew this union was from God. My mom even gave him a cross necklace that used to belong to my grandmother to say “welcome to the family.”

During our honeymoon at the Grand Canyon, I waited to take pictures of God’s awe-inspiring sunset. As daylight inhaled its last breath, clouds shifted, forming two blue hearts joined together. It seemed even God approved of this union. Quickly I snapped the picture.

Upon development, you could clearly see the image of Cupid stringing the hearts together in his bow. This time, I didn’t want to shoot Cupid back. ( Above right top of the heart is his head followed by the body/wings.)

Cards, once given out of obligation to celebrate an event in my old marriage, are now given just because in my new relationship.

Often I glance over at him or look deep in his eyes and wonder, did I really die that night in October and God is showing me a life that I could have had? Or is he just a dream, a foreshadowing of a future yet to come, and I will find myself back in my bed in Lake Havasu longing to be living my dream?

What did I do right in my life to deserve such a loving person who loves and adores me and supports my ambitions, and has kissed away my disappointments as I strive toward my dreams?

There will be no lost slippers made of glass and no clock that strikes twelve. Truly, we are married until death do us part. No battle that comes our way is fought alone, for we stand strongly beside each other. My circumstances are his; his are mine. One flesh. One heart. One life.

This is the poem I wrote for my husband on our wedding day.

To The Love of My Life

In the spring of 2005, I fired my fairy god mother.
With a simple prayer I enlisted the God Father.
Ask and you shall receive,
For all you have to do is believe.

“God, you know what I want, you know who I need.
You have given me a great life, but I need help in my journey.
Go seek the perfect person for me.
When you find him, write his name upon my heart;
Write my name upon his heart.”

While in the gray shades of my life, I dreamed of enchanted castles
And of shadows of love dancing by the light of candles.
Looking at the world through my garden of milk weeds and thistles,
Heaven responded to a desperate prayer
And sent a Prince who was kind, loving, and who would always care.

Our love endured and grew through a lost job,
A lost and found dog,
And financial happenstance
Because LOVE always prevails through any circumstance.

On this great journey and ride of my life,
I am incredibly blessed that God chose me to be your wife.
Of all the miracles I have received, big and small
You are the greatest of all.

Your love gave an Angel flight;
You have even re-inspired me to write.
Caught in your enchantment, you lift my dreams higher,
Comforted by your love, my heart you inspire.

I believe in you, I believe in us.
I am looking forward to the future God has for us.
I know there will be days I trade my halo for horns
And my temper as sharp as thorns,

But always know I love you
And that my love for you is always true.
At the stroke of twelve there will be no lost slippers made of glass,
No carriages turned to pumpkins because the fairy tale wouldn’t last.
For our love will dance throughout all time;
Forever in my heart you are always mine.

Your Angel

(I would like to add that this poem has been tested since it was written. The day my book was published was the day I lost my job. Yes, another lost job! And my two dogs also died within the year of our first marriage. I'd like to say it's been all wine and roses, but more like sour grapes and thorns. Our love has been tested and still endures because he didn't marry me for money. He didn't marry me for my job. He simply married me.)

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